Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I guess the easy stance on this would be to say I need to forgive myself for not being selfish in a time when I should have, and to forgive myself when I was selfish and shouldn't have been.

I was in a very bad relationship. It was definitely one of those everyone is telling you get out but you just don't listen because you're "in love" relationships. Everything about it was bad. Now, 3 years later I'm still haunted by some of the things I've had to go through because of it. Things that only I will ever know, or understand. I hate the fact that I didn't listen to my gut a lot earlier in that relationship. I needed to be selfish, but I held on because he "needed me." The only reason he needed me was because he had too much emotional baggage and needed someone to leach on to and suck all their blood and money out of. He needed someone to pay his bills. I didn't realize how abnormal it was that a freshly graduated 18 year old was paying the rent for a 22 year old. Someone who didn't have a car. Someone who didn't have a kid. (as far as he ever told me...). Who didn't have a credit card or bills of that nature. Who had a full time job and only paid $300 a month. Now, I'm a 22 year old with a baby, a mortgage on a house we OWN, car payment, house bills ect. We manage perfectly, it may get tight at times, but we make it work. I really wish I would have realized how emotionally, and financially abusive that relationship was when I was actually in it, rather than now. I saw the signs. I just didn't listen until I had a cute boy who showed me what a real gentleman was like. (who I ended up cuddling with last night because that's what married people do :-) )But, I also wish I could forgive myself for making that mistake. I really wish I could.