reasons why

You know that moment you wake up and turn your pillow over to the cold side and all everything is better all of a sudden. That's how I feel.

I will admit, I had a hard time adjusting to life after labor.  I felt robbed of the birth experience I tried so hard to have. I felt angry. I questioned my love for my children. But mostly I just felt alone. Baby blues is real. Postpartum depression is real........and it sucks. And you feel like a failure.

I decided that I can't let it control my life. I must do what I can to try to keep me from sinking any lower. I can't dwell in that place. But what was that moment that switched this little sad train around? Watching So You Think You Can Dance and they danced to "My Girl." (of all things( I was holding Ava and sang it to her. That's when it hit me. She is my girl. My sweet baby. Not the reason for my nightmares.But my precious gift. My pillow was flipped and all was better in the world. 

Now I still have moments where my pillow starts to get warm and clammy and slightly uncomfortable. But I just have to keep on going. I am so lucky that I was able to turn the switch so quickly. Not everyone is that lucky.