(almost) Wordless Wednesday "The Beast"

The Beast. AKA our truck that is at my inlaws because it still doesn't work. "But it was a good investment" according to the hubster. And he has wanted this exact kind for ever apparently. I'm such an understanding wife at times. :)

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Oh boy, any to start off with something uplifting.

There are a few things that I don't like about myself. One, I have a hard time keeping to one task. I get distracted. So it takes FOOOORRRREEEEVVVEEEERRRRRRRRRR to do things. Especially housework. Or shopping. Or homework. Or Showers. You get the point. I have been diagnosed with ADD so that may have something to do with it. But I don't know if I really trust that diagnosis because he said a lot of other crap too. And I was at a crazy place. And yada yada yada about that. But it definitely makes sense.

Anywho, back to keeping on one task...I totally just realized I went off track there for a bit. I guess that just shows you that I'm not making this up. :)....anywho again, I hate how off track I get. I really wish I could say I'm going to clean the kitchen and it be done in 10 minutes like it would my husband. He doesn't understand how it takes me so long to get small things done, and, frankly, I don't either. It drives me nuts, and I really wish I could change it.

I have realized that sometimes, ok, more than sometimes, Facebook gets in my way and I stop what I'm doing and go see if someone said anything new. But, as you know because of my death to facebook post, I have since gotten rid of it. So, technically it hasn't gotten in my way of things nearly as much as before. However, I have yet to remember that its pointless to sign in my Facebook, and I log in at least once a day.

So there you have it, I hate my distractable mind and my lack of a mind when it comes to signing in to Facebook. :)

30 days of truth? Can you handle it?!

I ran across this blog about 30 days of truth. I think it is a great idea. Granted, I doubt I'll be able to write for 30 straight days in a row, but I'm gonna try. :)

1)I won't have to come up with new, amazing, epiphany-ish things to say.

2)It will give me an excuse to open up on here and write more than just the surface of my life.

3)It will force me to think inwardly about who I am and how I got here. Sometimes my life gets so crazy I tend to forget about Alicia and just go on auto pilot...which, unfortunately for hubby, is generally a cranky auto pilot. Maybe I won't be so cranky all the time??? We can hope, right?

Here are the 30 days:

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.


Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.



Feel free to follow along with me! I'd love to enjoy this journey with others.

Cupcake Party

I'm lucky enough to have a best friend who loves baking. So last night we made 54 cupcakes. 3 different kinds. Pink Lemonade--a recipe she made up herself MMMMMM--Chocolate, and butter pecan. Then on top of that we made a super large cupcake for me to decorate as a castle.

We started this cupcake cooking spree at 8 at night, so needless to say we were up pretty late. Around midnight we were taking a break and thought we heard some people up by our door. Then soon enough our door opened and a guy with a case of beer walked in laughing with a bunch of girls behind him. We told him you have the wrong house.

"No, this is the right party."

Ummm.... no, unless you plan on having a cupcake party this is definitely the wrong house.

Then the girl behind him got to the door. My husband looked down at the door and repeated that this is the wrong house. She looked up and said "dude, this is the wrong house." And they walked out and didn't even close the door.

It was a pretty exciting moment. Kind of scary that random people would walk in our house. But we always lock the door when we are in bed. We had just been going back and forth to the store so we hadn't locked it this time. I'm just very glad they didn't ring the doorbell and wake Zdawg up. I would have been very mad to have to deal with a crabby baby and a billion cupcakes, so much so I potentially would crash their beer party.

Anywho, this is the Princess Pink Party cake I made. It started out as a castle, but mid way through I wasn't liking it at all and my MIL made a statement it looked like a magic pumpkin. And so the creation was born. :)

There is a story about rubber ducks in our household. So that is why we have ducks and not horses. :) Its not as random as it might look like.

One year...

(This is the same as my personal blog, so if you have read it once, you have read it all.)

One year to the minute I was in my 7th hour of labor. I was crying from pain. (remember I didn't get an epi until 12 hours in...). I was scared to death that these 9 months had come and gone. I was going to have to be responsible for more than just myself. I was going to have a screaming (hopefully), beautiful (obviously) baby girl (if all predictions were right). I was finally able to see this precious bundle in all her glory: touch her soft skin, smell her sweet smell. I also was coming to the reality that I now had to share her. She was no longer just mine, she would soon be the worlds. Daddy would want to see her, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, friends. She no longer would be "my baby." I was going to be alone again (kinda). One year ago, I had heard of all the changes in my life that were about to come forth. I knew as soon as I saw her "I'd fall in love." I didn't know how deep that love could be, what it could make you do.



I didn't know the deep gratitude I would have to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such an amazing miracle. I didn't know that I would one day be covered in poop, spit up, pee, yet be smiling and laughing, for my daughter laughed at her diaper flinging across the room. I didn't know that signing the discharge papers for her as "mother" would throw chills down my spine. One year ago, I wasn't aware of this secret club going on known as motherhood. One year ago I was so excited that I wouldn't be responsible for anything bad that would happen because of my diabetes. Having her out of me, in my vision, was going to be such a relief. Now, I would give anything to be able to protect her that way again. I wish I could cover her up every time she fell. I wish I could eat 3 meals a day, drink water, and get enough sleep and know I was doing everything in my power to protect her. Now, I only wish it was that simple.


A year ago, I never cared about babies. I had never changed a diaper. I had never held a newborn longer than a minute, let alone change its clothes or burped it. I didn't know breastfeeding would be one of the hardest challenges I'd face this year, but one of the most rewarding when we were finally successful. I didn't know I would cry when I no longer produced enough milk to satisfy her and I knew these moments that were just ours were going to be over forever. I never know how much I could cry and cry and cry about her reaching a milestone, because it meant that she had finally succeeded, but was also getting more independent with each one.


I didn't realize how she would change my relationship with my husband. We have learned to compromise. We have learned to care about more than just ourselves. I have learned that I married one of the kindest men out there. He is so in love with Zoey. A year ago, I didn't know how much I wouldn't mind seeing him light up when he kissed another girl--how much I would love seeing his eyes look only at her in a way I have never seen before. I was scared of loosing "us." We never lost us, we just made it better. I didn't know how much I'd hate going in public with him and not have my darling daughter, because people wouldn't know that I'm a mom, he is a dad. They wouldn't know this sweet little girl was mine. I didn't realize I'd feel guilty of being somewhere and they not know I'm a mom.


I've been bit, puked on, pooped on, kicked, and bonked. I've been attacked with kisses and ran to as soon as I walked in the room. I've been loved in a way I'll never be able to explain. I've had my heart riped out, only to beat in another. I've felt God's love on this earth. I've seen the world in a new, amazing light. I am honored to be called a mom, and be blessed with such an amazing daughter. I now know what love is, what it can do. I am eternally grateful to be able to say that yes, this crazy, screaming, opinionated little girl is mine.



This has been featured on Project In My Daughters Eyes. Check out her awesome blog!!

I did it! ...kinda

I was going to delete my facebook. But I have too many photos on there that I'd loose, and I'm too lazy to get them on my computer. So, I just deleted all my friends. So that counts for something, right? It was consuming too much of my life, which is sad. My priorities are Zoey, husband, school, and our home. Facebook was squeezing its way in that list. And so there you have it, I'm only a blogging lady now. :)

Fail...ish

So my epic plan to be super woman and start couponing, meal plans, ect didn't really work out in the time frame I wanted. Little Z will be a week in less than a week. Yes, less than a week. I remember when I started this I thought I had lots of time to figure it all out. Oh well, maybe by her second birthday?

In other news, I did take the time to really figure out what I want to do with my life. And so, I'm currently finishing/starting my pre-reqs for nursing. They require 4 mandatory classes you need before you start the program, and several support classes that you need to take before you finish the nursing program. Luckily in my crazy years of taking general classes I took most of the supporting classes. I just need 2 more. And then I need 3 more mandatory ones and I will have everything done. The pre-baby me would have had these classes knocked out in 2 semesters. But, now, I plan on having them all done by next fall. Which, by the way also includes the 15 more credits I need to get my BS in English. So in a year and a few months I will have a Bachelors degree and be going on for more school to get another Associates. To get your RN you only need to get your associates. You can get more, obviously. I'm going to just work on the 2 year degree before even thinking about more. I realized I've been in school since Fall 06 with 1 summer and 1 fall semester off. That's a long time.And I plan on going through the summer next year to get everything done.


And so my epic plan may have failed, as I'm still working, still schooling, still going crazy.... But in my attempt to simplify my life I figured out what I want to do. My goal is to work at an OB/GYN office. This way I'll have fairly normal hours with a nicer pay check so I can spend normal hours with Zoey being a mom.