The light flickered. All of a
sudden I could feel all the pain I had been feeling for years drain out of my
body, leaving me with a lightness I had never before experienced. I could no longer hear the rain outside, but was left with the sound of my thoughts. The light engulfed me;
making me feel complete and unafraid. It was ok. I was ok. It became a source
of comfort. I was not alone. They say your life flashes by you in this moment.
But it was more the feelings of a lifetime manifested in a single moment. Pure
Happiness. As I walked forward, the
emotions became more powerful, drawing me in. As I got closer I knew I had a
choice: to continue towards the peace I had been searching my whole life for,
or to go back—back to the pain and the anguish. Today, the choice was simple. I
kept walking.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The last candle.
This is writen because of a prompt on Red Writing Hood. I was given a photo and a song. You can see these here. Please feel free to comment. I feel like moments are cliche. But maybe not. And if you have no idea what is going on, perhaps I need to add more detail.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
philosophical thoughts of Nursing in my eyes
Nursing school is hard. There, I said it. Now that that is off my chest, I can go on to more important things. ....such as how much I love nursing. I don't even know what I was thinking when I was thinking anything but nursing. I am so excited to serve humanity in such a unique way. Very few professions have the ability to make such an impact on someones life. We are there for someone in a way the average person can't be. I am so blessed that I am on my way to fulfill my dreams. I know through my experiences that I am meant to be a nurse.I don't want to say its a calling, but its pretty darn close.
If I wasn't supposed to be here, than I wouldn't be. If I wasn't supposed to have a closer-to-death-than-I-ever-want-to-get experience the day AFTER I get accepted, than things wouldn't have happened. I know I'm turning all philosophical on you, but thats how it is. That is only going to make me a better nurse. I am on a mission to support the mother and family after a birth trauma. There are little to know resources out there. We are forgotten. If you loose a baby you have a support group. If your child is born with a birth defect you have a support group. If you get an amniotic emboli and end up getting DIC you don't. (now I'm not trying to downplay those situations at all. I whole heartily hope that I never have to go through that myself. But, due to the nature of their situation its easier to identify the need for support. We birth trauma moms don't have anything substantial for people to see and identify with that we need help too. So its just different.) We need a community to come to who understands our problems. Who understands resenting your child for the way she came to the world, but feeling like the worse person in the world because of those feelings. For feeling like a failure because you missed seeing your two children see each other for the first time. Getting off my soap box now.... I know that it is my duty to these mothers to create such support. I don't know if it will come when (not if) I am working in Labor and Delivery. Or if it is something I work on now before I even step foot in a hospital as an RN. But it is my duty to help them. And, in tern, help myself.
If I wasn't supposed to be here, than I wouldn't be. If I wasn't supposed to have a closer-to-death-than-I-ever-want-to-get experience the day AFTER I get accepted, than things wouldn't have happened. I know I'm turning all philosophical on you, but thats how it is. That is only going to make me a better nurse. I am on a mission to support the mother and family after a birth trauma. There are little to know resources out there. We are forgotten. If you loose a baby you have a support group. If your child is born with a birth defect you have a support group. If you get an amniotic emboli and end up getting DIC you don't. (now I'm not trying to downplay those situations at all. I whole heartily hope that I never have to go through that myself. But, due to the nature of their situation its easier to identify the need for support. We birth trauma moms don't have anything substantial for people to see and identify with that we need help too. So its just different.) We need a community to come to who understands our problems. Who understands resenting your child for the way she came to the world, but feeling like the worse person in the world because of those feelings. For feeling like a failure because you missed seeing your two children see each other for the first time. Getting off my soap box now.... I know that it is my duty to these mothers to create such support. I don't know if it will come when (not if) I am working in Labor and Delivery. Or if it is something I work on now before I even step foot in a hospital as an RN. But it is my duty to help them. And, in tern, help myself.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
For the mom in me
I think this is an amazing story. It makes me so excited to be a nurse. And grateful that the issues I had were so mild compared to this mom. Warning, there are breastfeeding pictures, so if you don't like boobies, than don't read it. lol.
http://theleakyboob.com/2012/04/breastfeeding-the-icu-support-and-facebook-support-that-keeps-on-giving/
http://theleakyboob.com/2012/04/breastfeeding-the-icu-support-and-facebook-support-that-keeps-on-giving/
Monday, October 8, 2012
blessed
I am so grateful to be able to live my dreams and be in nursing school. I love it. Every minute of it. ....ok, so maybe thats a lie. Every minute except for the constant stress of the billion and a half things I have to do. But I love being in a group of people who are so supportive and find humor in things normal people shouldn't. Like winking urethras. ....ok. that might be a little tmi in this blog. Oh well.
In my other non-nursing student life, Zoey is a goof ball. Yesterday Zoey sang "butter on my head" to the toon of twinkle twinkle little star. No clue where that came from. Ava smiles and laughs now. Its awesome. And Chris is so supportive and does basically everything around the house. I am so blessed.
In my other non-nursing student life, Zoey is a goof ball. Yesterday Zoey sang "butter on my head" to the toon of twinkle twinkle little star. No clue where that came from. Ava smiles and laughs now. Its awesome. And Chris is so supportive and does basically everything around the house. I am so blessed.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Perspective
I don't want to sound like I am throwing my whole "I saw the inside of my uterus and had to get it pushed back in" thing out of proportion. I know scarier things have happened to others. But, luckily I guess, it was the scariest thing I hope ever happens to me. And so I shall write about it once again.
Anywho, being able to stair death in the face kind of helped me change my perspective. This has come in handy as I start this new journey called nursing school. So many people in my class seam to be so stressed about everything. I confess, I find myself being included. But I just have to remember, "in the course of a life, what does it matter?" I can't stress or feel bad about a bad test score. I don't have any extra energy to put towards those kind of things. I know that I will know(ish) the answers eventually. The fact that I chose a diet low in salt instead of full of fruits and veggies does not make any better or worse of a nurse. Now, if given the same test 5 years from now I better get close to a perfect score. But for now, I did my best. And how can you do better than your best? What matters is that I have been given the opportunity to be in a nursing program and one step closer to my goal. What matters is that in the end of the day I can go home to my family. What matters is that I am alive to enjoy these things.
Do I get stressed? oh yea. Have I cried more in these last couple weeks than the weeks prior? yup. I just have to keep reminding myself what is important in my life and what is worth my energy. Because lets face it, sleep and energy is hard to come by these days with my cute little perfect family.
In saying that I need to remember to use my time wisely. When I put Zoey to bed I need to be fully focused on her. Some days bedtime is the only time I get with just her an I. Too often I find myself rushing to get through it and not paying as much attention to her as I should. Make each moment count. I can't have my mind on all the things I still need to do when it should be focused my my daughter.....even if it is the 45638372 time I have read Goodnight moon and she fights me over the mittens being, in fact, mittens, and not hands.
Life goes too fast. There is no guarantee I will even see tomorrow, so live in today. Because who knows, my lungs might fall out next time. And something tells me that that's not a good thing.
Anywho, being able to stair death in the face kind of helped me change my perspective. This has come in handy as I start this new journey called nursing school. So many people in my class seam to be so stressed about everything. I confess, I find myself being included. But I just have to remember, "in the course of a life, what does it matter?" I can't stress or feel bad about a bad test score. I don't have any extra energy to put towards those kind of things. I know that I will know(ish) the answers eventually. The fact that I chose a diet low in salt instead of full of fruits and veggies does not make any better or worse of a nurse. Now, if given the same test 5 years from now I better get close to a perfect score. But for now, I did my best. And how can you do better than your best? What matters is that I have been given the opportunity to be in a nursing program and one step closer to my goal. What matters is that in the end of the day I can go home to my family. What matters is that I am alive to enjoy these things.
Do I get stressed? oh yea. Have I cried more in these last couple weeks than the weeks prior? yup. I just have to keep reminding myself what is important in my life and what is worth my energy. Because lets face it, sleep and energy is hard to come by these days with my cute little perfect family.
In saying that I need to remember to use my time wisely. When I put Zoey to bed I need to be fully focused on her. Some days bedtime is the only time I get with just her an I. Too often I find myself rushing to get through it and not paying as much attention to her as I should. Make each moment count. I can't have my mind on all the things I still need to do when it should be focused my my daughter.....even if it is the 45638372 time I have read Goodnight moon and she fights me over the mittens being, in fact, mittens, and not hands.
Life goes too fast. There is no guarantee I will even see tomorrow, so live in today. Because who knows, my lungs might fall out next time. And something tells me that that's not a good thing.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
nursing school
Well I am officially a nursing student. How exciting is that!!! But, sadly, I must tell you all that because of that I think this blog will slowly disinigrate into the land of forgotten blogs that never get new posts. So don't worry. I will see you all on the other side!!!!
Friday, August 17, 2012
reasons why
You know that moment you wake up and turn your pillow over to the cold side and all everything is better all of a sudden. That's how I feel.
I will admit, I had a hard time adjusting to life after labor. I felt robbed of the birth experience I tried so hard to have. I felt angry. I questioned my love for my children. But mostly I just felt alone. Baby blues is real. Postpartum depression is real........and it sucks. And you feel like a failure.
I decided that I can't let it control my life. I must do what I can to try to keep me from sinking any lower. I can't dwell in that place. But what was that moment that switched this little sad train around? Watching So You Think You Can Dance and they danced to "My Girl." (of all things( I was holding Ava and sang it to her. That's when it hit me. She is my girl. My sweet baby. Not the reason for my nightmares.But my precious gift. My pillow was flipped and all was better in the world.
Now I still have moments where my pillow starts to get warm and clammy and slightly uncomfortable. But I just have to keep on going. I am so lucky that I was able to turn the switch so quickly. Not everyone is that lucky.
I will admit, I had a hard time adjusting to life after labor. I felt robbed of the birth experience I tried so hard to have. I felt angry. I questioned my love for my children. But mostly I just felt alone. Baby blues is real. Postpartum depression is real........and it sucks. And you feel like a failure.
I decided that I can't let it control my life. I must do what I can to try to keep me from sinking any lower. I can't dwell in that place. But what was that moment that switched this little sad train around? Watching So You Think You Can Dance and they danced to "My Girl." (of all things( I was holding Ava and sang it to her. That's when it hit me. She is my girl. My sweet baby. Not the reason for my nightmares.But my precious gift. My pillow was flipped and all was better in the world.
Now I still have moments where my pillow starts to get warm and clammy and slightly uncomfortable. But I just have to keep on going. I am so lucky that I was able to turn the switch so quickly. Not everyone is that lucky.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Exciting Days #2 part 2
Part 1 is here. My blog about my life after this can be found Here.
Ava was here but there was something instinctual in me saying I'm not done yet. They say the placenta just comes out and you don't really realize it. Well my doctor was still there with the cord in his hand and a "hmmm this is different" look on his face. I was still in a lot of pain. I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes the placenta was just having a hard time coming out. Before I knew it I was in worse pain than I was when I had her. I remember him saying "its inside out" and there were a few extra nurses there. Then all of a sudden I saw this bloody blob of something (my uterus) come out of me and a look of terror in the doctors eyes. He immediately tried to stuff it back in. That is when the true screaming and pain began. Oh my gosh. It hurt worse than the worse contraction, worse than trying not to push, worse than the ring of fire. At this point everything starts to run together. He called the anaesthesiologist to come. People were running all over. I remember looking past all this to my mom holding Ava with a look of panic and thinking is this going to be the last time I see them. The anaesthesiologist comes and does his shpeal about all the risks we gave verbal consent and off I was to the OR.
I was wheeled down the hall to the OR and there were people coming out of the woodwork. It hurt sooo bad. They push me in there and there were even more people. I started to go in and out here so all I remember are snipits. They moved me to a different table. I prayed that my children wouldn't be motherless. My blood pressure was dropping. Everything hurt. The big light over head in my face. Then I was gone. I was in a white tunnel trying to find the way out. The tunnel started changing colors like a video game and all of a sudden I was trying to find the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (I blame Zoey for that one.)
Then all of a sudden I heard familiar voices. I heard Zoey. I tried to say something but all that could come out were moans. I started to wake up for moments at a time and just remember seeing the clock. I could tell Chris was on my side holding my hand. It felt good, like everything was going to be ok. Then I would go out again. But this time I was picturing my family at the bottom of the room with a curtain separating them from me playing parlor games. Then I would wake up and see the clock again. Then out. I don't know how long this happened. Then I was back for good. I could feel someone else hold my hand it was my mom. I kept my eyes closed for the most part trying to process what just happened and asking lots of the same questions. Everyone came over to see me. It was strange because I still didn't really know what happened. Slowly things started to clear up. I remember them saying they were going to give Ava a bottle, and that was the first time I remembered "oh yea, I have two kids now." It was kinda crazy. Its like I forgot all about the last 9 months of pregnancy and day of being in labor.
I couldn't move my arms because I had who knows what. One arm had my regular IV and blood pressure cuff. The other had something around it and my blood transfusion. I was really cold and they kept putting billions of blankets on me. But I couldn't really talk because I had Oxygen on. I was kinda in rough shape. Everyone slowly trickled out and it was just Chris and I. They took Ava to the nursery and I fell asleep.
My nurse came in around 4:30 before shift change and explained everything to me when I was a little more with it.
The placenta never detached from the uterus so when it came out it dragged it with it and turned it inside out, kinda like when you pull a sock from the toe to get it the right way. He tried to put it back in, that's when It really hurt. But since I was loosing so much blood and in so much pain they had to rush me to the operation room. The problem lies in the fact that once the placenta is no longer there the cervix starts to close up, so time is crucial. At that point there were three possibilities. He could manually get it back.if it was open enough. Cut me open like a csection and get it through that way. or if those didn't work hysterectomy. There is technically 4 possibilities if that didn't work and I kept bleeding out, but lets not think about that. Luckily I got away with the easy one. I did loose about 3 Liters of blood (the average person has about 5 or 6). And so I got 4 blood transfusions.
Apparently this is a super rare complication. My doctor has had it happen 3 other times in his 25 years. I had nurses say they had been in Labor and Delivery for 5 years, 12 years ect and had never seen it happen. Needless to say I was the talk of the nurses station. ....And that's saying something because I know triplets were born Wednesday too. Inverted Uteruses are pretty crazy I guess.
I am recovering well just like a normal delivery at this point. I will probably be a little more tender than average. And I get these dizzy spells, which they think is due to all my blood loss and transfusions. But I can generally just sleep them off and I am fine. Ava is beautiful and Zoey is so in love. With everything that went down I wasn't able to hold her for 5 hours, so I was kind of worried about breast feeding. In fact that was one of the reasons why I wanted a natural birth in the first place, so she could be with me skin to skin right away. But lo that wasnt in the cards this week. I am so lucky to be here and raise my two little girls and enjoy my life as a family.
Ava was here but there was something instinctual in me saying I'm not done yet. They say the placenta just comes out and you don't really realize it. Well my doctor was still there with the cord in his hand and a "hmmm this is different" look on his face. I was still in a lot of pain. I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes the placenta was just having a hard time coming out. Before I knew it I was in worse pain than I was when I had her. I remember him saying "its inside out" and there were a few extra nurses there. Then all of a sudden I saw this bloody blob of something (my uterus) come out of me and a look of terror in the doctors eyes. He immediately tried to stuff it back in. That is when the true screaming and pain began. Oh my gosh. It hurt worse than the worse contraction, worse than trying not to push, worse than the ring of fire. At this point everything starts to run together. He called the anaesthesiologist to come. People were running all over. I remember looking past all this to my mom holding Ava with a look of panic and thinking is this going to be the last time I see them. The anaesthesiologist comes and does his shpeal about all the risks we gave verbal consent and off I was to the OR.
I was wheeled down the hall to the OR and there were people coming out of the woodwork. It hurt sooo bad. They push me in there and there were even more people. I started to go in and out here so all I remember are snipits. They moved me to a different table. I prayed that my children wouldn't be motherless. My blood pressure was dropping. Everything hurt. The big light over head in my face. Then I was gone. I was in a white tunnel trying to find the way out. The tunnel started changing colors like a video game and all of a sudden I was trying to find the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (I blame Zoey for that one.)
Then all of a sudden I heard familiar voices. I heard Zoey. I tried to say something but all that could come out were moans. I started to wake up for moments at a time and just remember seeing the clock. I could tell Chris was on my side holding my hand. It felt good, like everything was going to be ok. Then I would go out again. But this time I was picturing my family at the bottom of the room with a curtain separating them from me playing parlor games. Then I would wake up and see the clock again. Then out. I don't know how long this happened. Then I was back for good. I could feel someone else hold my hand it was my mom. I kept my eyes closed for the most part trying to process what just happened and asking lots of the same questions. Everyone came over to see me. It was strange because I still didn't really know what happened. Slowly things started to clear up. I remember them saying they were going to give Ava a bottle, and that was the first time I remembered "oh yea, I have two kids now." It was kinda crazy. Its like I forgot all about the last 9 months of pregnancy and day of being in labor.
I couldn't move my arms because I had who knows what. One arm had my regular IV and blood pressure cuff. The other had something around it and my blood transfusion. I was really cold and they kept putting billions of blankets on me. But I couldn't really talk because I had Oxygen on. I was kinda in rough shape. Everyone slowly trickled out and it was just Chris and I. They took Ava to the nursery and I fell asleep.
My nurse came in around 4:30 before shift change and explained everything to me when I was a little more with it.
The placenta never detached from the uterus so when it came out it dragged it with it and turned it inside out, kinda like when you pull a sock from the toe to get it the right way. He tried to put it back in, that's when It really hurt. But since I was loosing so much blood and in so much pain they had to rush me to the operation room. The problem lies in the fact that once the placenta is no longer there the cervix starts to close up, so time is crucial. At that point there were three possibilities. He could manually get it back.if it was open enough. Cut me open like a csection and get it through that way. or if those didn't work hysterectomy. There is technically 4 possibilities if that didn't work and I kept bleeding out, but lets not think about that. Luckily I got away with the easy one. I did loose about 3 Liters of blood (the average person has about 5 or 6). And so I got 4 blood transfusions.
Apparently this is a super rare complication. My doctor has had it happen 3 other times in his 25 years. I had nurses say they had been in Labor and Delivery for 5 years, 12 years ect and had never seen it happen. Needless to say I was the talk of the nurses station. ....And that's saying something because I know triplets were born Wednesday too. Inverted Uteruses are pretty crazy I guess.
I am recovering well just like a normal delivery at this point. I will probably be a little more tender than average. And I get these dizzy spells, which they think is due to all my blood loss and transfusions. But I can generally just sleep them off and I am fine. Ava is beautiful and Zoey is so in love. With everything that went down I wasn't able to hold her for 5 hours, so I was kind of worried about breast feeding. In fact that was one of the reasons why I wanted a natural birth in the first place, so she could be with me skin to skin right away. But lo that wasnt in the cards this week. I am so lucky to be here and raise my two little girls and enjoy my life as a family.
Exciting Day #2 part 1
So I had a pretty awesome day Tuesday, getting into the nursing program and all
the day before I have a baby. I couldn't stop smiling all day. Tuesday night I
got very little sleep. One time my mind would be racing about nursing, the next
about labor and delivery, the next about Zoey with her new baby sister, and
sometimes about how the heck am I going to do it all in 5 short weeks. Needless
to say I was up before my alarm.
We leave a little early at get to the hospital about 10 minutes early. The front desk gets my information and signs me in and tells me to wait. So we sit down and wait and wait, then the charge nurse comes over and asks if they told us to call before we came in. Obviously not. There wasn't enough room for me at the time but there should be at noon, so I was to call at 11:30. Lovely. Not what i wanted to hear. So we leave and go to Chris' family's house to see Zoey and take a nap. We went to Arby's to eat and pass the time. I call at 11:30 and the charge nurse is busy and they say she will call back. By this time I wonder if I should have just stuck with the 7 instead of this roller coaster of going in or not. She finally calls at 12 and says to come in at 2. Finally!!!
We get there and they send me back and get me all set up. The pictocin starts a little before 3. I was dilated to a 2.5 when they started me. That was surprising since I was only a 1 on Monday. Shift change is at 5 and I got a new nurse who had a natural birth for all three of her children so she said she would help me out. She told me everything to expect. 1-6 is the longest, around 7 is transition, and after that it is hard and generally when people change their mind about the natural thing. I was really worried about the pushing and how that will go. She told me the ring of fire is probably the worst part of it. So there I was fully informed on how my labor and delivery will be.
I hang out in the bed for a while watching tv and listening to my ipod. I found it helped to turn up my music and sing when a contraction hit. So I was constantly putting my earbuds in and out because I wanted to hear what was going on but needed them ready at a moments notice. The nurse got me a birthing ball which was nice. It felt a lot better to be able to bounce than just sitting there. My doctor came in about 6:30 and broke my water. My contractions started getting a lot more intense almost immediately. I just kept bouncing away listening to Cute is What We Aim For. They had the only song I could find that had the right tempo, but didn't change or have much just music time. So I don't know how many times I listened to Curse of Curves. But it put me in the Zone to get trough them without too much uncomfort. Chris made fun of me a lot when he heard the SAME song again. I got checked again at 8:30 and was a 6! That was surprising. It took me 10 hours with Zo to go from a 2-3, so 5 hours to get to 6 was aweeeesome.
The contractions were starting to get a lot more painful, so my nurse showed me different positions I could try. Some helped, some were awkward, and some were just strange. At about 10 I was a 7 and my doctor text my doctor to let him know how things were going. An hour later I was still a 7 and I was wearing down. My nurse at this time got rid of her other patient so she could just be with me. I was very grateful for this. She would show Chris things to do, but it always felt so much better when she did it. I started shaking. Transition! Around 1130 (I'm just kind of guessing at the times here. I wasn't paying that much attention) she checked at I was about 7.5. It hurt so bad. I wasn't getting much time between contractions and they were super painful. I started thinking that I wouldn't be able to do much more. My nurse was so supportive and talked me through each contraction- only 30 seconds and its over, you are through the hard part ect. She checked me again around midnight because I was starting to feel some pressure but didn't think I was feeling "the pressure." I was still about the same part was an 8 and part was still the same. She could see the disappointment and frankly terror to hear that. She asked if I wanted some fentinol to take the edge off, which I agreed to. But when she checked me I thought I was going to pee, so I went to the bathroom. I didn't have to go after all, but sitting on the toilet felt kinda good. while I was in there she started setting up. I started to feel even more pressure so she called in anyone she could to help her. I remember her telling me whatever I do don't bare down for anything. All of a sudden I had lots and lots of pressure and I knew that the bathroom probably wasn't the best place anymore. I somehow managed to get back to the bed with Chris's help. She checked me and sure enough I was complete. She had the charge nurse call my Doctor. Nurses were running around getting everything else set up while my nurse sat there with me telling me not to push. After what seamed like forever he still wasn't there, she made sure the charge called and I guess she didn't realize just how fast baby was coming so she said she would call and tell him to get there stat. At that point she started talking about how she has delivered a few of his babies. She had gloves on and was giving counter pressure to keep her in. I kept saying I'm sorry I can't help but to push, which was the honest truth. That was the hardest part of the whole birth up til that point. He walked in the door gowned up and was there. One contraction and well they don't call it the ring of fire for nothing. Holly Cow. Ring of Fire is a nice way to put it. The only thing going on in my mind is she better get out now so this is over. I felt her head come out and knew just a little bit more and she would be born and BAM Ava was laying on my belly. It didn't feel real at all. I think I was just trying to get through the fact that I just went through all that pain and there was my sweet reward. I knew I still had the placenta to deal with so I just watched as they took her and did all that fun stuff. I did it. I had a natural childbirth. Something I wasn't able to do with Zoey.
Part 2 is here.
We leave a little early at get to the hospital about 10 minutes early. The front desk gets my information and signs me in and tells me to wait. So we sit down and wait and wait, then the charge nurse comes over and asks if they told us to call before we came in. Obviously not. There wasn't enough room for me at the time but there should be at noon, so I was to call at 11:30. Lovely. Not what i wanted to hear. So we leave and go to Chris' family's house to see Zoey and take a nap. We went to Arby's to eat and pass the time. I call at 11:30 and the charge nurse is busy and they say she will call back. By this time I wonder if I should have just stuck with the 7 instead of this roller coaster of going in or not. She finally calls at 12 and says to come in at 2. Finally!!!
We get there and they send me back and get me all set up. The pictocin starts a little before 3. I was dilated to a 2.5 when they started me. That was surprising since I was only a 1 on Monday. Shift change is at 5 and I got a new nurse who had a natural birth for all three of her children so she said she would help me out. She told me everything to expect. 1-6 is the longest, around 7 is transition, and after that it is hard and generally when people change their mind about the natural thing. I was really worried about the pushing and how that will go. She told me the ring of fire is probably the worst part of it. So there I was fully informed on how my labor and delivery will be.
I hang out in the bed for a while watching tv and listening to my ipod. I found it helped to turn up my music and sing when a contraction hit. So I was constantly putting my earbuds in and out because I wanted to hear what was going on but needed them ready at a moments notice. The nurse got me a birthing ball which was nice. It felt a lot better to be able to bounce than just sitting there. My doctor came in about 6:30 and broke my water. My contractions started getting a lot more intense almost immediately. I just kept bouncing away listening to Cute is What We Aim For. They had the only song I could find that had the right tempo, but didn't change or have much just music time. So I don't know how many times I listened to Curse of Curves. But it put me in the Zone to get trough them without too much uncomfort. Chris made fun of me a lot when he heard the SAME song again. I got checked again at 8:30 and was a 6! That was surprising. It took me 10 hours with Zo to go from a 2-3, so 5 hours to get to 6 was aweeeesome.
The contractions were starting to get a lot more painful, so my nurse showed me different positions I could try. Some helped, some were awkward, and some were just strange. At about 10 I was a 7 and my doctor text my doctor to let him know how things were going. An hour later I was still a 7 and I was wearing down. My nurse at this time got rid of her other patient so she could just be with me. I was very grateful for this. She would show Chris things to do, but it always felt so much better when she did it. I started shaking. Transition! Around 1130 (I'm just kind of guessing at the times here. I wasn't paying that much attention) she checked at I was about 7.5. It hurt so bad. I wasn't getting much time between contractions and they were super painful. I started thinking that I wouldn't be able to do much more. My nurse was so supportive and talked me through each contraction- only 30 seconds and its over, you are through the hard part ect. She checked me again around midnight because I was starting to feel some pressure but didn't think I was feeling "the pressure." I was still about the same part was an 8 and part was still the same. She could see the disappointment and frankly terror to hear that. She asked if I wanted some fentinol to take the edge off, which I agreed to. But when she checked me I thought I was going to pee, so I went to the bathroom. I didn't have to go after all, but sitting on the toilet felt kinda good. while I was in there she started setting up. I started to feel even more pressure so she called in anyone she could to help her. I remember her telling me whatever I do don't bare down for anything. All of a sudden I had lots and lots of pressure and I knew that the bathroom probably wasn't the best place anymore. I somehow managed to get back to the bed with Chris's help. She checked me and sure enough I was complete. She had the charge nurse call my Doctor. Nurses were running around getting everything else set up while my nurse sat there with me telling me not to push. After what seamed like forever he still wasn't there, she made sure the charge called and I guess she didn't realize just how fast baby was coming so she said she would call and tell him to get there stat. At that point she started talking about how she has delivered a few of his babies. She had gloves on and was giving counter pressure to keep her in. I kept saying I'm sorry I can't help but to push, which was the honest truth. That was the hardest part of the whole birth up til that point. He walked in the door gowned up and was there. One contraction and well they don't call it the ring of fire for nothing. Holly Cow. Ring of Fire is a nice way to put it. The only thing going on in my mind is she better get out now so this is over. I felt her head come out and knew just a little bit more and she would be born and BAM Ava was laying on my belly. It didn't feel real at all. I think I was just trying to get through the fact that I just went through all that pain and there was my sweet reward. I knew I still had the placenta to deal with so I just watched as they took her and did all that fun stuff. I did it. I had a natural childbirth. Something I wasn't able to do with Zoey.
Part 2 is here.
Exciting days #1
Tuesday started out like any other day. Zoey and I watched Mickey Mouse in my
bed because she woke up at 6 for some reason and I was not about to start the day
that early. We ended up both falling asleep after a few hours. A little after 11
I got a phone call from an unknown local number. I really didn't want to answer
it and just go back to sleep since Zoey was still asleep and I was going to the
hospital the next day to be induced. But I did anyway.
"hello"
"Hi, is this Alicia"
"This is she."
"This is Becky from the DATC practical nursing program....we just had someone drop the program and you are next on the list. Are you interested and be able to start August 27th?"
UHHHH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I've only been waiting for years.
"Oh, and you did get get accepted for spring, so you could do that too."
If been waiting for years to get into a program and in one call I find out I get accepted twice.
I tell her I needed to make a phone call and will call her back and let her know.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I call Chris to see if I should do August or wait for January. He told me he would support any decision I make. ....what a wonderful husband. :)
I go upstairs to tell Brittany and before I get it out I get another phone call from a local unknown number. So I answer it.
"hello."
"Hi, is this Alicia"
"This is"
"Hi this is so and so from the *hospital, I was wondering if you could come in at 9 in the morning instead of 7 for the induction."
Oh you want me to come in 10 hours earlier, meaning I will see my baby 10 hours earlier. OK!
I told her I needed to make a phone call and make sure that Zoey will be taken care of, even though I knew she would be.
So I call up Chris and tell him and then ask Brittany if she can watch her. Obviously they both said yes. So I called them and said I will take the morning. And then I call DATC and say YES I will start the 27th. She wanted me to come in and get some paperwork and such sometime this week, so i obviously said that afternoon.
So in a matter of 10 minutes my life changed quite a bit!!!
I am officially a nursing student. And a little overwhelmed to have to get everything done in such a short amount of time. But its a good thing I got Chris home all week next week to help me out and hopefully we can get it all done. woop woop!
"hello"
"Hi, is this Alicia"
"This is she."
"This is Becky from the DATC practical nursing program....we just had someone drop the program and you are next on the list. Are you interested and be able to start August 27th?"
UHHHH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I've only been waiting for years.
"Oh, and you did get get accepted for spring, so you could do that too."
If been waiting for years to get into a program and in one call I find out I get accepted twice.
I tell her I needed to make a phone call and will call her back and let her know.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I call Chris to see if I should do August or wait for January. He told me he would support any decision I make. ....what a wonderful husband. :)
I go upstairs to tell Brittany and before I get it out I get another phone call from a local unknown number. So I answer it.
"hello."
"Hi, is this Alicia"
"This is"
"Hi this is so and so from the *hospital, I was wondering if you could come in at 9 in the morning instead of 7 for the induction."
Oh you want me to come in 10 hours earlier, meaning I will see my baby 10 hours earlier. OK!
I told her I needed to make a phone call and make sure that Zoey will be taken care of, even though I knew she would be.
So I call up Chris and tell him and then ask Brittany if she can watch her. Obviously they both said yes. So I called them and said I will take the morning. And then I call DATC and say YES I will start the 27th. She wanted me to come in and get some paperwork and such sometime this week, so i obviously said that afternoon.
So in a matter of 10 minutes my life changed quite a bit!!!
I am officially a nursing student. And a little overwhelmed to have to get everything done in such a short amount of time. But its a good thing I got Chris home all week next week to help me out and hopefully we can get it all done. woop woop!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
From her mouth
We were talking to Zoey about "baby sister." We told her that she was once in mommy's tummy too. She told us no, thats baby sister. So we asked her how she got here.... ready for it??
"a red and yellow chuchu train."
I guess thats one way to tell her where babies come from when she asks later on in life.....
"a red and yellow chuchu train."
I guess thats one way to tell her where babies come from when she asks later on in life.....
Sunday, July 1, 2012
well well well....sleep
Last weekend I went camping. Yes, at 36 weeks pregnant I was sleeping on the ground with rocks and baby girl kicking me in unknown places. But I figured I don't sleep anyway, I might as well have fun not sleeping. And somehow, as if guarded by a silent magic wand, had my first heartburn free night in months. Thanks goodness.
And that brings me to tonight. Its 2:30 in the morning. And I am awake. I have run out of things to do. While at the time, Olive Garden sounded like a great choice for dinner, my heartburn at the moment is telling me otherwise. I am so tired of sleeping on 5 pillows.
My toddler has been sick this week with first hand foot and mouth, and then an ear infection. So being the pushover mommy I am have let her sleep in our bed if she comes in the middle of the night. And who am I kidding...thats every night. She sleeps just like her daddy. Which means very soundly but with no consideratrion of the person who is sleeping on the last 2 inches of bed with half her body hanging over the side. And so me, in my brilliant sleeping stuppor, decided to sleep in her room on the floor. And for some reason able to sleep better than I have the past month or so. Are you seeing a pattern? In fact, the whole family slept in til 11 the other day. yes. 11. Usually thats when we are thinking about nap time, but we were just getting up. How does that happen?
And so here I am, 9 months in my watermellon suit, slightly wishing I get kicked out of my bed so I can sleep on the ground. I say this even after I have seen 3 spiders roaming around in last couple of days. Now that is saying something.
And that brings me to tonight. Its 2:30 in the morning. And I am awake. I have run out of things to do. While at the time, Olive Garden sounded like a great choice for dinner, my heartburn at the moment is telling me otherwise. I am so tired of sleeping on 5 pillows.
My toddler has been sick this week with first hand foot and mouth, and then an ear infection. So being the pushover mommy I am have let her sleep in our bed if she comes in the middle of the night. And who am I kidding...thats every night. She sleeps just like her daddy. Which means very soundly but with no consideratrion of the person who is sleeping on the last 2 inches of bed with half her body hanging over the side. And so me, in my brilliant sleeping stuppor, decided to sleep in her room on the floor. And for some reason able to sleep better than I have the past month or so. Are you seeing a pattern? In fact, the whole family slept in til 11 the other day. yes. 11. Usually thats when we are thinking about nap time, but we were just getting up. How does that happen?
And so here I am, 9 months in my watermellon suit, slightly wishing I get kicked out of my bed so I can sleep on the ground. I say this even after I have seen 3 spiders roaming around in last couple of days. Now that is saying something.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
From MY mouth??
Life with a very imaginative toddler is full of surprises. Not only do you hear things that you never thought you would hear from a 2 year old, sometimes the strange things come from me.
Take today for example:
Zoey has decided that eye boogers you get in the morning are actually eye snakes. So sometimes she goes around wiping your eye and shows you the "snake" on her finger. Well, for some reason she realized that snakes can be found in various places. And thus the saying "There aren't snakes in your pants, only your eyes" magically came out of my mouth. .....yes. Did I really just say that????
Take today for example:
Zoey has decided that eye boogers you get in the morning are actually eye snakes. So sometimes she goes around wiping your eye and shows you the "snake" on her finger. Well, for some reason she realized that snakes can be found in various places. And thus the saying "There aren't snakes in your pants, only your eyes" magically came out of my mouth. .....yes. Did I really just say that????
Thursday, June 7, 2012
i may or may not....
have eaten a whole box of orange creamcicles in one day.
and i may or may not have enjoyed every bite.
and i may or may not have enjoyed every bite.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
From her Mouth
Sometimes toddlers say some funny things. sometimes....well sometimes you just have to scratch your head.
Today my lovely daughter was sitting on the potty and she informed me "sometimes pooping is hard."
Well Zoey, welcome to the real world. We are glad to have you.
Today my lovely daughter was sitting on the potty and she informed me "sometimes pooping is hard."
Well Zoey, welcome to the real world. We are glad to have you.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
my pillow
So I have this pillow. We shall name it little pillow. My mom got it at her baby shower for me with a matching blanket. For some reason, I adopted that pillow as my lovely. Some people have security blankets growing up, Zoey has her cow. I, my friends, had a pillow. I couldn't sleep without it growing up. I used to take it everywhere with me in case my house caught on fire. Literally, that's what I thought of. It was pretty important, and I knew my parents wouldn't think to grab it for me if I was gone. When I got to the point that I was going on sleep overs I learned to do without it for a night, but it was hard. And I never slept well.
It has been so used and loved that my grandma resurfaced (? is that the right word) it several times. So as it is now the original whatever it was is under 3 layers of newer material.
I won't lie, I still have it. However, I have a small pillowcase on it to hide the dinosaurs. lol. I can sleep without it no problem, but I am always more comfortable with it. I guess that's what I get after 24 years with the thing.
Anywho, I come to the point of this blog....
My dear dear daughter has decided that she too must sleep with "Mommy's Pillow." I try to hide it so she doesn't see it, but she generally remembers it and screams for it. And so my little pillow is now my child's. And I'm jealous. And I feel bad, because I don't see her sharing with number two when she is old enough. And so that means she doesn't get the comfort and love that I have grown up with.
And so most nights when I go in and check on her I always see if my pillow is in a place I can steal it. Sometimes I can take it and life is good. Other times I can't, but life is still good, because my little angel is sleeping. And there are few things more precious that a child sleeping just like you did when you were her age. Besides, this way if there is ever a fire at night I can save my two precious babies in one sweap.
It has been so used and loved that my grandma resurfaced (? is that the right word) it several times. So as it is now the original whatever it was is under 3 layers of newer material.
I won't lie, I still have it. However, I have a small pillowcase on it to hide the dinosaurs. lol. I can sleep without it no problem, but I am always more comfortable with it. I guess that's what I get after 24 years with the thing.
Anywho, I come to the point of this blog....
My dear dear daughter has decided that she too must sleep with "Mommy's Pillow." I try to hide it so she doesn't see it, but she generally remembers it and screams for it. And so my little pillow is now my child's. And I'm jealous. And I feel bad, because I don't see her sharing with number two when she is old enough. And so that means she doesn't get the comfort and love that I have grown up with.
And so most nights when I go in and check on her I always see if my pillow is in a place I can steal it. Sometimes I can take it and life is good. Other times I can't, but life is still good, because my little angel is sleeping. And there are few things more precious that a child sleeping just like you did when you were her age. Besides, this way if there is ever a fire at night I can save my two precious babies in one sweap.
Monday, May 14, 2012
From her mouth
Today Zoey called her daddy a poo poo head. But not in a dad you are a poo poo head for not letting me do that thing I wanted. But it was more a term of adornment. It was strange. And we have no idea where she picked it up because none of us would say that. I'm thinking daycare. But who knows. Either way, daddy is a poo poo head and mommy isn't. :)
Sunday, May 13, 2012
How I Met Your Father VI
I go through my first week of school ok. If you have been reading my blog from the start you might remember my dunk tank post. If not, go read it. Seriously. Its the next chapter of the story. It has details I don't even remember now, a year and a half after I wrote it.
Although, I do need to add a few extra facts....
But read dunk tank first, because otherwise this won't make sense.
I went to see Hairspray with my family and Chris and his friend Webb. I, naturally, sat between Chris and Webb. I'm still not too sure how that happened. Somehow in the first part of the movie both boys grabbed my hands. So I sat watching this movie (which I had already seen 2 or 3 times before this. It coincidentally was the movie my mom took me to to distract me when I broke up with the boyfriend after I decided to move) holding hands with TWO boys that aren't my boyfriend, thinking about breaking up with the boyfriend. And then, out of nowhere, Chris kissed my hand!!!! To this day, he says that Webb was supposed to do it too and it was a big joke. But, I highly doubt that. With that I wigged out, stole my hands back, and finished the movie curled up in a ball. It was awkward.
After the movie, Chris mentioned that a family in the crowd was his family. This struck me as strange, because he chose to sit by me and my family instead of his.
Later that night Chris and Webb picked me up to go to the lake with Kody, one of his roommates. I borrowed my cousins swimsuit and off we went. We got there and Chris and Kody decide to just go skinny dipping. Yea, they went there. Webb and I were content in proper swimming attire. I don't think I have ever been more grateful for Webb in my life. I went in the water first and waited, backwards, for the others. Once in the water I just tried not to think about the whole those two are naked thing. Once I got over that I had a great time just goofing off, being teenagers. I felt free, for the first time.
The next day we go home. And, as you know, broke it off for good with the boyfriend. It wasn't until this day that I realized how many mind games he had been using with me. He must have known it was coming, as he was fully prepared to use everything in his power to stop it from happening, including showing me a gun he said he planned to use once I left because his doctor told him Friday he had cancer and without me he had no reason to live. Ummmm..., Yeah. It was a long night. But somehow I was able to stand my ground. (*note, he is fully alive today. As far as I know anyways. And he didn't have cancer.*)
I got back to Orem the next night. First thing I did was go up to Chris' apartment. His roommates were both working, so it was just us. We sat there in the living room with something on the TV. I was on one couch and he was on the other. I told him that I broke up with the boyfriend, which led us into an almost too natural "what does that make us" conversation. We both concluded that we didn't just want this to be a rebound kind of thing and to just let things go how they go and to not rush into anything. Somehow in this conversation, we ended up on the same couch. We talked and talked that night. It was almost too obvious that waiting wasn't going to work. Back then I did this little hand wave thing with the saying "that's how I roll." I said that and he asked for me to show him my hand thing again. Then he very obviously mimicked it very poorly. So I had to show him again. Once again, he couldn't grasp it so he asked for me to help him. And this is how me held hands for the first time, since the movie doesn't count. We spent the rest of the night holding hands until he walked me upstairs to my place.
Monday I went to class wondering what the heck just happened. Was it going to be awkward from now on? Did I mess things up by going too fast? Was I utterly crazy for falling for this boy? Ex boyfriend called and told me that he got off the phone with his doctor and somehow his cancer was worse than he thought and he didn't know what to do and blah blah blah. How could I leave him when he needed someone during this hard time? But now things were far too complicated. Chris picked me up from school because I just rode the bus. I think that was the first time I cried in front of him. He held me and told me I could do whatever I needed to do. But, I told him that that was final. I wasn't going to get back together with him. We ended that conversation by holding hands going into Walmart. He was there when I needed someone. And that's how it always has been ever since.
Our first kiss came 2 days later.... so much for taking things slow, eh? That next weekend he went camping with his family and didn't have phone service, so at night he drove down to where we could talk. It was our Saturday night conversation that we both said I love you. And yes, if you were doing the math, that was only 6 days after I broke up with the ex. And with that we became interpretable. The only time we were apart when we were awake was either school or work. And sometimes not even then. Chris developed this new obsession with going to the mall when I was working and would just walk past a billion times until I got my lunch. That was also the only weekend we were apart that whole year. After that if I was visiting my family, he went with me. And if he was visiting his, I went with him.
That September I went to New Mexico with his family and met his grandparents, aunt, and uncle. By November we were talking about marriage. January he talked to my dad. February 13th he proposed. August 8th, roughly a year and 2 weeks after we met, we said I do. On our 6 month anniversary we found out I was pregnant. And now baby number 2 is due a week before our 5 year mark of knowing each other. It is hard to believe we have been together for almost 5 years. We obviously didn't take things slowly like we said. But you know what, I'm ok with that. We were destined to be together, to be in love. He is my best friend. They say that young marriages don't work because you haven't grown as a person. Well, for us, I couldn't think of anything better. We get to grow up together. We have had our ups and downs, like every married couple. But our ups by far out number our downs. I am so blessed to be his wife, and honored that he decided to take a chance on the crazy city girl with a boyfriend.
Although, I do need to add a few extra facts....
But read dunk tank first, because otherwise this won't make sense.
I went to see Hairspray with my family and Chris and his friend Webb. I, naturally, sat between Chris and Webb. I'm still not too sure how that happened. Somehow in the first part of the movie both boys grabbed my hands. So I sat watching this movie (which I had already seen 2 or 3 times before this. It coincidentally was the movie my mom took me to to distract me when I broke up with the boyfriend after I decided to move) holding hands with TWO boys that aren't my boyfriend, thinking about breaking up with the boyfriend. And then, out of nowhere, Chris kissed my hand!!!! To this day, he says that Webb was supposed to do it too and it was a big joke. But, I highly doubt that. With that I wigged out, stole my hands back, and finished the movie curled up in a ball. It was awkward.
After the movie, Chris mentioned that a family in the crowd was his family. This struck me as strange, because he chose to sit by me and my family instead of his.
Later that night Chris and Webb picked me up to go to the lake with Kody, one of his roommates. I borrowed my cousins swimsuit and off we went. We got there and Chris and Kody decide to just go skinny dipping. Yea, they went there. Webb and I were content in proper swimming attire. I don't think I have ever been more grateful for Webb in my life. I went in the water first and waited, backwards, for the others. Once in the water I just tried not to think about the whole those two are naked thing. Once I got over that I had a great time just goofing off, being teenagers. I felt free, for the first time.
The next day we go home. And, as you know, broke it off for good with the boyfriend. It wasn't until this day that I realized how many mind games he had been using with me. He must have known it was coming, as he was fully prepared to use everything in his power to stop it from happening, including showing me a gun he said he planned to use once I left because his doctor told him Friday he had cancer and without me he had no reason to live. Ummmm..., Yeah. It was a long night. But somehow I was able to stand my ground. (*note, he is fully alive today. As far as I know anyways. And he didn't have cancer.*)
I got back to Orem the next night. First thing I did was go up to Chris' apartment. His roommates were both working, so it was just us. We sat there in the living room with something on the TV. I was on one couch and he was on the other. I told him that I broke up with the boyfriend, which led us into an almost too natural "what does that make us" conversation. We both concluded that we didn't just want this to be a rebound kind of thing and to just let things go how they go and to not rush into anything. Somehow in this conversation, we ended up on the same couch. We talked and talked that night. It was almost too obvious that waiting wasn't going to work. Back then I did this little hand wave thing with the saying "that's how I roll." I said that and he asked for me to show him my hand thing again. Then he very obviously mimicked it very poorly. So I had to show him again. Once again, he couldn't grasp it so he asked for me to help him. And this is how me held hands for the first time, since the movie doesn't count. We spent the rest of the night holding hands until he walked me upstairs to my place.
Monday I went to class wondering what the heck just happened. Was it going to be awkward from now on? Did I mess things up by going too fast? Was I utterly crazy for falling for this boy? Ex boyfriend called and told me that he got off the phone with his doctor and somehow his cancer was worse than he thought and he didn't know what to do and blah blah blah. How could I leave him when he needed someone during this hard time? But now things were far too complicated. Chris picked me up from school because I just rode the bus. I think that was the first time I cried in front of him. He held me and told me I could do whatever I needed to do. But, I told him that that was final. I wasn't going to get back together with him. We ended that conversation by holding hands going into Walmart. He was there when I needed someone. And that's how it always has been ever since.
Our first kiss came 2 days later.... so much for taking things slow, eh? That next weekend he went camping with his family and didn't have phone service, so at night he drove down to where we could talk. It was our Saturday night conversation that we both said I love you. And yes, if you were doing the math, that was only 6 days after I broke up with the ex. And with that we became interpretable. The only time we were apart when we were awake was either school or work. And sometimes not even then. Chris developed this new obsession with going to the mall when I was working and would just walk past a billion times until I got my lunch. That was also the only weekend we were apart that whole year. After that if I was visiting my family, he went with me. And if he was visiting his, I went with him.
That September I went to New Mexico with his family and met his grandparents, aunt, and uncle. By November we were talking about marriage. January he talked to my dad. February 13th he proposed. August 8th, roughly a year and 2 weeks after we met, we said I do. On our 6 month anniversary we found out I was pregnant. And now baby number 2 is due a week before our 5 year mark of knowing each other. It is hard to believe we have been together for almost 5 years. We obviously didn't take things slowly like we said. But you know what, I'm ok with that. We were destined to be together, to be in love. He is my best friend. They say that young marriages don't work because you haven't grown as a person. Well, for us, I couldn't think of anything better. We get to grow up together. We have had our ups and downs, like every married couple. But our ups by far out number our downs. I am so blessed to be his wife, and honored that he decided to take a chance on the crazy city girl with a boyfriend.
Friday, May 4, 2012
How I Met Your Father Part V
I'm sure I left you all waiting with anticipation as to the conclusion of my story. I'm sorry. I had this writed forever ago but never posted it for some unknown reason. For those of you who haven't read the full story go here for part I.
Anywho, on with the show....
My mom and I drive down to my new school to finalize everything and find a place to live. We get a big list of apartments, and we start looking. First place, gross. Second place, blah. Third place? Super nice! We decide that this is it. It is close to campus, private rooms, and just perfect. We sign the contract right there and plan to move in a week or so later. They give me my room number and building right away. On our drive home I text Chris to tell him I found an apartment. I tell him the place and he asks if I talked to Andrea--which I did. That is the same place he is at! I tell him the building. We are in the same building! Only one floor apart. I got kind of excited that I had someone I knew so close to me just in case because I was starting to double guess my decision to move.
The time came for me to move. It was anti climatic. My mom was working and I just put everything in my car, said bye to my dad and drove off. I got there and called Chris and he and his two roommates came down to help me with all my stuff. I sat in my room thinking what have I got myself into. Boy was nervous that I would go off and find some boy there who would sweep me off my feet. Little did he know, I already met him. Chris invited me to come over for dinner, which I gladly accepted. I had no idea how to cook! I walk in and he has made steaks for everyone. A boy that can cook, and can cook something fancy like a steak? Maybe I wasn't going to starve this year!
The three boys decided to go bowling that night and invited me along. Of course I said yes. Once again I am waiting in line to pay, and here Mr. Chris comes and pays for me anyway. They decide to go by bowling names. Chris uses him usual nickname, which I thought was the strangest thing. I couldn't think of anything so they said to do my last name. We find out that our last names start with the same word. (For privacy reasons I'm leaving this out. Those of you who know me in real life know just how crazy this was as both are unique names) What are the odds of that???
I only stayed there that night and went back home to take a trip to Boise to see the best band ever. And so that trip had a lot of talking and thinking about my current relationship. I cannot disclose what happened on said trip in fear of a breach of best friend confidentiality, but I was left wanting one thing. To be single. That's not a normal reaction for me. Before that, the thought of being single scared me. Perhaps so much that that is why I stayed for so long....
I get back and go to boyfriend's niece's dance recital. And the whole time I was thinking this is not me, this is not where I want to be. But I only had a few hours, so I didn't do anything about it.
School started that week and I took that time soaking it all in, but apparently forgetting about my subtle thoughts the weekend prior because I so wanted to just go back home.
Anywho, on with the show....
My mom and I drive down to my new school to finalize everything and find a place to live. We get a big list of apartments, and we start looking. First place, gross. Second place, blah. Third place? Super nice! We decide that this is it. It is close to campus, private rooms, and just perfect. We sign the contract right there and plan to move in a week or so later. They give me my room number and building right away. On our drive home I text Chris to tell him I found an apartment. I tell him the place and he asks if I talked to Andrea--which I did. That is the same place he is at! I tell him the building. We are in the same building! Only one floor apart. I got kind of excited that I had someone I knew so close to me just in case because I was starting to double guess my decision to move.
The time came for me to move. It was anti climatic. My mom was working and I just put everything in my car, said bye to my dad and drove off. I got there and called Chris and he and his two roommates came down to help me with all my stuff. I sat in my room thinking what have I got myself into. Boy was nervous that I would go off and find some boy there who would sweep me off my feet. Little did he know, I already met him. Chris invited me to come over for dinner, which I gladly accepted. I had no idea how to cook! I walk in and he has made steaks for everyone. A boy that can cook, and can cook something fancy like a steak? Maybe I wasn't going to starve this year!
The three boys decided to go bowling that night and invited me along. Of course I said yes. Once again I am waiting in line to pay, and here Mr. Chris comes and pays for me anyway. They decide to go by bowling names. Chris uses him usual nickname, which I thought was the strangest thing. I couldn't think of anything so they said to do my last name. We find out that our last names start with the same word. (For privacy reasons I'm leaving this out. Those of you who know me in real life know just how crazy this was as both are unique names) What are the odds of that???
I only stayed there that night and went back home to take a trip to Boise to see the best band ever. And so that trip had a lot of talking and thinking about my current relationship. I cannot disclose what happened on said trip in fear of a breach of best friend confidentiality, but I was left wanting one thing. To be single. That's not a normal reaction for me. Before that, the thought of being single scared me. Perhaps so much that that is why I stayed for so long....
I get back and go to boyfriend's niece's dance recital. And the whole time I was thinking this is not me, this is not where I want to be. But I only had a few hours, so I didn't do anything about it.
School started that week and I took that time soaking it all in, but apparently forgetting about my subtle thoughts the weekend prior because I so wanted to just go back home.
Friday, April 13, 2012
How I met your Father Part IV
The next day I stay with my aunt and cousins for a while. They went to visit family from the other side. It was slightly awkward since I didn't know them. Then Aunt Sheri got a call or text from someone. She said that Chris is on his way, he forgot to give something to them. And sure enough here he comes trotting in the door. Ok....what am I supposed to do? I can't just run up to him and say thanks for the great night. So I kind of just sit there and avoid all eye contact. After a while he leaves. Turns out he just wanted an excuse to come see me again and was pretty disappointed I didn't talk to him. We start to text back and forth throughout the day.
My mom and I leave to go back home. She really wanted to hear all the gossip of the last couple days. But I didn't want anything to do with that. I was in my own little world. I had a plan. I was breaking up with the boy back home. And I wanted to switch schools...to one that just happened to have a great dance program I could get into. And happened to be the same school Chris was going to go to. As we drove past it I asked my mom what she thought about me going there and, once again, she jumped on the opportunity. I text Chris so see if he knew there was a deadline for admissions, as it was already the end of July. One thing lead to another and my dad was at home calling the school to see what needed to be done for the transfer.
I got home and went straight to the boy back home's place and broke up with him. I honestly don't know what the reasoning was behind it, besides I wanted my freedom and he wasn't going to take me anywhere really. He wasn't going to buy me drinks from a gas station. I cried and cried and cried. Turns out I wasn't ready for that, and we got back together after a few days...if we even lasted that long. That summer we broke up a few times.
Christina and I kept texting, mainly when I was at work so boy wouldn't see and be suspicious. I told him that we were going back through to another wedding. So he told me that he and Webb would be at my aunts and we could play dance dance, since I had no idea what he was talking about.
One night right before the second wedding, I can't remember what we were talking, about but I remember thinking I can't break up with boy because no other boy would ever want someone as damaged as me. And boy, at that time, I was pretty damaged. And so I stopped talking to Chris for a while, which was probably only a day in all honesty.
I felt kind of strange telling my mom we had to stop at my Aunt Sheri's because some boys wanted to see me. But we did anyway. Chris called while we were on our way, but I didn't answer. I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it already was. (which was really nothing...) Apparently he forgot the game and wanted us to pick it up on the way. So we get there and have nothing to do. They were sitting on either end of the couch with the middle open. I purposely sat on the floor next to my mom. It was awkward and nothing at all like the rodeo. I was starting to think that that was just a fluke.
My mom and I leave to go back home. She really wanted to hear all the gossip of the last couple days. But I didn't want anything to do with that. I was in my own little world. I had a plan. I was breaking up with the boy back home. And I wanted to switch schools...to one that just happened to have a great dance program I could get into. And happened to be the same school Chris was going to go to. As we drove past it I asked my mom what she thought about me going there and, once again, she jumped on the opportunity. I text Chris so see if he knew there was a deadline for admissions, as it was already the end of July. One thing lead to another and my dad was at home calling the school to see what needed to be done for the transfer.
I got home and went straight to the boy back home's place and broke up with him. I honestly don't know what the reasoning was behind it, besides I wanted my freedom and he wasn't going to take me anywhere really. He wasn't going to buy me drinks from a gas station. I cried and cried and cried. Turns out I wasn't ready for that, and we got back together after a few days...if we even lasted that long. That summer we broke up a few times.
Christina and I kept texting, mainly when I was at work so boy wouldn't see and be suspicious. I told him that we were going back through to another wedding. So he told me that he and Webb would be at my aunts and we could play dance dance, since I had no idea what he was talking about.
One night right before the second wedding, I can't remember what we were talking, about but I remember thinking I can't break up with boy because no other boy would ever want someone as damaged as me. And boy, at that time, I was pretty damaged. And so I stopped talking to Chris for a while, which was probably only a day in all honesty.
I felt kind of strange telling my mom we had to stop at my Aunt Sheri's because some boys wanted to see me. But we did anyway. Chris called while we were on our way, but I didn't answer. I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it already was. (which was really nothing...) Apparently he forgot the game and wanted us to pick it up on the way. So we get there and have nothing to do. They were sitting on either end of the couch with the middle open. I purposely sat on the floor next to my mom. It was awkward and nothing at all like the rodeo. I was starting to think that that was just a fluke.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
How I met your Father Part III
A rodeo sounded a lot more fun than waiting around with my mom and grandma reading Harry Potter. So I asked my mom to see if I could go. Apparently she was thrilled with the idea of me going somewhere with Webb and Chris, so off we go. I was just going to stay the night at my cousins, so they would just drop off the two of us together.
Chris drove us through the canyon to the rodeo. That was the scariest but most fun drive I think I have ever had. A few times I thought I was crazy to get into a car with some boy I hardly knew to drive in a canyon while it was raining. Especially since he was more occupied with his passengers than his driving. This was when "Hey there Delilah" was big. He sang it but changed the name to Alicia. Today, he claims that he said Haylie (my cousin who was with me). But I know the first one was Haylie, then the rest was Alicia. I know this because the song played all the time at work after this and it made me giggle.
We get to the rodeo and Haylie finds one of her friends and says she will be back. So the three of us go find a seat. I go in first, then Webb, then Chris. I can't remember a single thing about the actual goings on in the arena. We just talked. And talked. And talked. I was kinda bummed that Webb sat next to me and not Chris. Where did that feeling come from??? I know we talked about a school trip where they stopped to eat 40 miles away from where I am from. They told me that when my boyfriend asked what I did, just say I hung out with Christina and Webblina. And so, Christina and Webblina became contacts in my phone. I just remember laughing and laughing. Some of the laughter was from the oddity of the situation, some of nerves, and some of sheer fun. Haylie found us right when it was about over, naturally.
We stopped at a gas station to grab a drink before we left. I waited in line to buy mine behind them and Chris snagged it and put it on the counter with his. I was not used to someone buying me anything. It was kind of nice.
As they drove us home my mind was racing. They took a detour through a field to get to my aunts house. That was probably the best detour ever. I finally felt like a carefree teenager just hanging out. No pressure to be what I wasn't or trying to fit my life into a mold I had set for myself. I was finally free to be me. I doubt Webb has any idea just how perfect (and symbolic now that I think of it) that short turn was.
Unfortunately, we finally got home. Before I left Webb gave me a ring he folded with a dollar bill. they said something to the effect that I can wear that one instead of the ring I had from the boy back home.
I layed in bed and just relived that night. It was perfect. It was the life I always wanted. But it was over. I was going home in a day and would never see them again. ...Or so I thought.
Chris drove us through the canyon to the rodeo. That was the scariest but most fun drive I think I have ever had. A few times I thought I was crazy to get into a car with some boy I hardly knew to drive in a canyon while it was raining. Especially since he was more occupied with his passengers than his driving. This was when "Hey there Delilah" was big. He sang it but changed the name to Alicia. Today, he claims that he said Haylie (my cousin who was with me). But I know the first one was Haylie, then the rest was Alicia. I know this because the song played all the time at work after this and it made me giggle.
We get to the rodeo and Haylie finds one of her friends and says she will be back. So the three of us go find a seat. I go in first, then Webb, then Chris. I can't remember a single thing about the actual goings on in the arena. We just talked. And talked. And talked. I was kinda bummed that Webb sat next to me and not Chris. Where did that feeling come from??? I know we talked about a school trip where they stopped to eat 40 miles away from where I am from. They told me that when my boyfriend asked what I did, just say I hung out with Christina and Webblina. And so, Christina and Webblina became contacts in my phone. I just remember laughing and laughing. Some of the laughter was from the oddity of the situation, some of nerves, and some of sheer fun. Haylie found us right when it was about over, naturally.
We stopped at a gas station to grab a drink before we left. I waited in line to buy mine behind them and Chris snagged it and put it on the counter with his. I was not used to someone buying me anything. It was kind of nice.
As they drove us home my mind was racing. They took a detour through a field to get to my aunts house. That was probably the best detour ever. I finally felt like a carefree teenager just hanging out. No pressure to be what I wasn't or trying to fit my life into a mold I had set for myself. I was finally free to be me. I doubt Webb has any idea just how perfect (and symbolic now that I think of it) that short turn was.
Unfortunately, we finally got home. Before I left Webb gave me a ring he folded with a dollar bill. they said something to the effect that I can wear that one instead of the ring I had from the boy back home.
I layed in bed and just relived that night. It was perfect. It was the life I always wanted. But it was over. I was going home in a day and would never see them again. ...Or so I thought.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
How I met your father. Part II
Princess Tara left and I went about my business. Then the reception started. I was enjoying my time with family that I don't get to see too much. At some point he was sitting with a friend and called me over. I thought it was a little strange, but whatever. Then he told me I got something on my shirt, and as I looked down he flicked my nose! Who does that??? Apparently this guy.
The reception was over and my mom and I went back to my grandmas. I was eagerly awaiting my book to come in the morning. My friend and I would have an unspoken contest to see who would finish the book first. My goal was to have it done by the end of the weekend, since I was going to have a lot of downtime.
The wedding was about an hour away from my grandma's in her backyard. It was cute and sweet. Instead of going back, we stayed in a motel room that my aunt got the day before. I read a little then my mom and I decided to go down to the pool and dip our feet in with my aunt. All of a sudden this boy and his friend were down there too giving us jolly ranchers. I thought it was odd. I found out that Princess Tara's name was Chris and his friend Webb. Chris tried to push us all in the pool, but luckily decided against it because we didn't have extra clothes for the other reception we were waiting for. They kind of waited awkwardly for us to leave then hurried out of there. As we get closer to our room, and subsequently my car, my mom and I noticed all sort of writing on it. I can't remember what exactly they wrote, but it was something to the lines of Webb is Awesome, Chris is the bomb. What is the deal with these kids? They are so strange. I kind of liked the attention. But was kind of nervous because the whole time I was there the boyfriend was texting me saying I better not talk to any boys because they will try to steal me away.
Chris and Webb left shortly after to go help set up. My aunt found Chris' phone left in the "boys room." So I took it and started texting Webb on it. I thought it was sweet because he had a picture of a temple as the background. I don't know how long it took til they figured out that I had it. Probably not very long. I should ask. But during this time, I got a random text too. Turns out I was texting Webb but Chris was intercepting it, and then he was actually texting me on someone else's phone.
We get to the reception and he snags his phone right away. There was supposed to be dancing a little bit later in the evening, and my Grandma was set on me dancing with one of the many boys out there. I tried to ignore her promptings because I already had a boy. I didn't need to dance with one of them. All of a sudden Chris, Webb, and I think a few others ran past me. I asked what they were doing, and they told me to come with them.
Outside was the car of the newly married couple. I figured out where the paint came from that was on my car. We wrote on their windows. They thought it was funny to put tampons all over...I don't really know why that's funny. And put a thong on the rear view mirror. I'm sure there were other things involved, but that's all I remember. I was the official writer on the car, and the boys did all the rest.
After we were done I stayed back and hung out with my mom. Then out of the blue, Webb came up to me and asked me to dance. It was awkward. What was more awkward, is that I was glad it was him and not Chris because I had a feeling he was starting to get a thing for me. And that's the last thing I needed.
It started to rain and the reception got cut a little bit short. My cousin's sister wanted to go to a rodeo in town with Chris and Webb. A rodeo sounded kind of fun....
The reception was over and my mom and I went back to my grandmas. I was eagerly awaiting my book to come in the morning. My friend and I would have an unspoken contest to see who would finish the book first. My goal was to have it done by the end of the weekend, since I was going to have a lot of downtime.
The wedding was about an hour away from my grandma's in her backyard. It was cute and sweet. Instead of going back, we stayed in a motel room that my aunt got the day before. I read a little then my mom and I decided to go down to the pool and dip our feet in with my aunt. All of a sudden this boy and his friend were down there too giving us jolly ranchers. I thought it was odd. I found out that Princess Tara's name was Chris and his friend Webb. Chris tried to push us all in the pool, but luckily decided against it because we didn't have extra clothes for the other reception we were waiting for. They kind of waited awkwardly for us to leave then hurried out of there. As we get closer to our room, and subsequently my car, my mom and I noticed all sort of writing on it. I can't remember what exactly they wrote, but it was something to the lines of Webb is Awesome, Chris is the bomb. What is the deal with these kids? They are so strange. I kind of liked the attention. But was kind of nervous because the whole time I was there the boyfriend was texting me saying I better not talk to any boys because they will try to steal me away.
Chris and Webb left shortly after to go help set up. My aunt found Chris' phone left in the "boys room." So I took it and started texting Webb on it. I thought it was sweet because he had a picture of a temple as the background. I don't know how long it took til they figured out that I had it. Probably not very long. I should ask. But during this time, I got a random text too. Turns out I was texting Webb but Chris was intercepting it, and then he was actually texting me on someone else's phone.
We get to the reception and he snags his phone right away. There was supposed to be dancing a little bit later in the evening, and my Grandma was set on me dancing with one of the many boys out there. I tried to ignore her promptings because I already had a boy. I didn't need to dance with one of them. All of a sudden Chris, Webb, and I think a few others ran past me. I asked what they were doing, and they told me to come with them.
Outside was the car of the newly married couple. I figured out where the paint came from that was on my car. We wrote on their windows. They thought it was funny to put tampons all over...I don't really know why that's funny. And put a thong on the rear view mirror. I'm sure there were other things involved, but that's all I remember. I was the official writer on the car, and the boys did all the rest.
After we were done I stayed back and hung out with my mom. Then out of the blue, Webb came up to me and asked me to dance. It was awkward. What was more awkward, is that I was glad it was him and not Chris because I had a feeling he was starting to get a thing for me. And that's the last thing I needed.
It started to rain and the reception got cut a little bit short. My cousin's sister wanted to go to a rodeo in town with Chris and Webb. A rodeo sounded kind of fun....
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
How I met your father. Part 1
Yesterday at work I had a student follow me around. He wasn't scared to get in there, which was nice and had lots of questions. One, non CNA related was how I met my husband. I only got half way through the real story, but it got me thinking...one day Zoey is going to ask us. So I better get it down before any more details fade. It is hard to believe that we have spent 5 Christmases together already. Shortly after baby is born we will have our 4th anniversary. 4 years ago I was knee deep in wedding stuff. Goodness gracious, life goes by fast. Anyway, here is part 1 of a potentially never ending series.
How I Met Your Father Part I
I was going to my cousins wedding. They were a year younger than me, and just out of high school. Everyone was making a big deal about it, but I didn't see the problem. I had a ring on my finger as well. Only we were no where close to actually getting married. I'm glad I was smart enough to realize that.
The wedding was to take place down where my mom grew up, which to city people is the middle of nowhere. I was in a dilemma, the last Harry Potter book was to come out the day of the wedding. I wouldn't have time to go buy it, even if there had been a store I could buy it at. And so I preordered it online and had it shipped to my Grandmas. Problem solved. Go me!
I was my aunt's "personal assistant" and did all her running around and just tried to keep her calm. the night before the wedding was a reception. So that morning, I went down to help. I was wearing my favorite purple tank top and shorts. We got there and Aunt Sheri asked where all the boys were to help move chairs and tables. They were late. My cousin had all of his closest friends in his wedding party, and they were all supposed to be there to help. Finally they showed up and did their thing and I continued to do mine. We got some things down, and my uncle made hamburgers for everyone there for lunch. I ate with one of my cousins and there were a few of the boys sitting at the table too. My cousin made fun of one of the boy's shirt. It was a hot pink one that someone wrote Princess Tara on. I thought it was kind of odd, but apparently it was funny.
Princess Tara boy had to leave to get a hair cut. I said that my mom could do it if he waited. But my mom was late, and he was in a hurry. ...little did we know at the time that this was his first glimpse of my mother's time management skills.
Part Two can be read here.
How I Met Your Father Part I
I was going to my cousins wedding. They were a year younger than me, and just out of high school. Everyone was making a big deal about it, but I didn't see the problem. I had a ring on my finger as well. Only we were no where close to actually getting married. I'm glad I was smart enough to realize that.
The wedding was to take place down where my mom grew up, which to city people is the middle of nowhere. I was in a dilemma, the last Harry Potter book was to come out the day of the wedding. I wouldn't have time to go buy it, even if there had been a store I could buy it at. And so I preordered it online and had it shipped to my Grandmas. Problem solved. Go me!
I was my aunt's "personal assistant" and did all her running around and just tried to keep her calm. the night before the wedding was a reception. So that morning, I went down to help. I was wearing my favorite purple tank top and shorts. We got there and Aunt Sheri asked where all the boys were to help move chairs and tables. They were late. My cousin had all of his closest friends in his wedding party, and they were all supposed to be there to help. Finally they showed up and did their thing and I continued to do mine. We got some things down, and my uncle made hamburgers for everyone there for lunch. I ate with one of my cousins and there were a few of the boys sitting at the table too. My cousin made fun of one of the boy's shirt. It was a hot pink one that someone wrote Princess Tara on. I thought it was kind of odd, but apparently it was funny.
Princess Tara boy had to leave to get a hair cut. I said that my mom could do it if he waited. But my mom was late, and he was in a hurry. ...little did we know at the time that this was his first glimpse of my mother's time management skills.
Part Two can be read here.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Eventful Weekend
I celabrated my birthday on Friday. My dad was real excited because IFA was supposed to get a big shipment in of lots of baby chickens, and he wanted Zoey to go see them. So he said we will go on your birthday and go out to lunch. Z and I got ready early in the morning...ok, so maybe it was more like 10...and went to my Grandma's to pick up my mom. (she lives there at the moment. But my parents are still married. Its a complicated arrangement they got going on.) She still had to get ready, so she took Zoey downstairs to "help." While I ended up taking an hour nap on the couch. It was great. Then we went to my dad's. And he still had who knows what to get ready. So I got to watch my discovery health chanel, which I love but don't get at home. So that was great too. This whole time Zoey kept saying "baby chickens! baby chickens!"
We finally got there. And as excited as Zoey was, she really didn't like the baby chickens. She actually was kind of scared of them. It was kinda funny. She didn't mind the baby ducks or bunnys though. They have these quail there that were probably the size of a quarter. They were so tiiiiiiiiny. And cute. Apparently you keep them in an aquarium. Interesting. But whatev.
By the time we get out of there it is already 3, so we just get hamburgers on our way and eat them at his house. By 4 Chris is calling to say he will be home in an hour and to get ready because he wanted to take me to Salt Lake for dinner. It takes a while to get everything ready to go (do you see a patern with my family. Its no wonder I was always late to things growing up.) And for some reason I get home at 5:30. Chris is upset that it took so long. By this time I was just tired and didn't really feel like going out to eat. But he told me we are going because he is leaving in a couple days (more on that later). And we drive and drive.
Turns out he planned a surprise dinner at Joe's Crab Shack! We walk in and there were some friends, and a little while some balloons. Charlotte and Brittany got stuck in traffic. They were supposed to be there before me. I was so surprised. It was a great night.
Saturday Chris had to work. But I had lunch with a few friends I hadn't seen in a long time. It was super nice. Zoey was being a goof like always and shaking her head vegerously whenever they talked to her. Silly thing. Chris got home and we had dinner at my Grandma's. It was a nice night there too. Zoey loves helping her get ready for bed. She knows every single thing she does. Which is a lot. She even got a little tooth flosser thing in a bag. She was in heaven. She even had to sleep with the flosser. It was pretty funny.
Oh! And I got a letter back from the DATC. I am an alternate for the nursing program. Finally not a rejection letter...but not an acceptance letter either. So I just have more waiting to see if I get in.
Sunday was our relax and watch Confrence day.
And so there you have it. My weekend in a nutshell.
On a side note, I only have 2 more chemistry assignments and 1 more test and I'm done with that class. And I have a paper and 2 quizes for microbiology and I'm done there. And it looks like I might get decent grades in it. So if I don't get in this time, I'm a shoe in for Spring.
We finally got there. And as excited as Zoey was, she really didn't like the baby chickens. She actually was kind of scared of them. It was kinda funny. She didn't mind the baby ducks or bunnys though. They have these quail there that were probably the size of a quarter. They were so tiiiiiiiiny. And cute. Apparently you keep them in an aquarium. Interesting. But whatev.
By the time we get out of there it is already 3, so we just get hamburgers on our way and eat them at his house. By 4 Chris is calling to say he will be home in an hour and to get ready because he wanted to take me to Salt Lake for dinner. It takes a while to get everything ready to go (do you see a patern with my family. Its no wonder I was always late to things growing up.) And for some reason I get home at 5:30. Chris is upset that it took so long. By this time I was just tired and didn't really feel like going out to eat. But he told me we are going because he is leaving in a couple days (more on that later). And we drive and drive.
Turns out he planned a surprise dinner at Joe's Crab Shack! We walk in and there were some friends, and a little while some balloons. Charlotte and Brittany got stuck in traffic. They were supposed to be there before me. I was so surprised. It was a great night.
Saturday Chris had to work. But I had lunch with a few friends I hadn't seen in a long time. It was super nice. Zoey was being a goof like always and shaking her head vegerously whenever they talked to her. Silly thing. Chris got home and we had dinner at my Grandma's. It was a nice night there too. Zoey loves helping her get ready for bed. She knows every single thing she does. Which is a lot. She even got a little tooth flosser thing in a bag. She was in heaven. She even had to sleep with the flosser. It was pretty funny.
Oh! And I got a letter back from the DATC. I am an alternate for the nursing program. Finally not a rejection letter...but not an acceptance letter either. So I just have more waiting to see if I get in.
Sunday was our relax and watch Confrence day.
And so there you have it. My weekend in a nutshell.
On a side note, I only have 2 more chemistry assignments and 1 more test and I'm done with that class. And I have a paper and 2 quizes for microbiology and I'm done there. And it looks like I might get decent grades in it. So if I don't get in this time, I'm a shoe in for Spring.
Monday, March 12, 2012
21 things
Here is a list of 21 things I have on my mind right now.
1-I am hungry
2-I need to go to sleep.
3-I need to tell my dear readers some important things
4-I question my timing.
5-There is a baby in my future.
6-and when I say future, I mean in July. I'm over half way there.
7- 21 weeks actually, hence the 21 things.
8- I know someone who has been reading my blog has had "the itch" so I didn't want to put salt in it to make her feel sad/jealous/any other unpleasant emotion that is totally naturaly and understandable.
9- I've been there. I understand. I'm sorry.
10- But I figured it would be strange to all of a sudden start talking about another child in a few short months without metioning this important detail first.
11-I think I'm crazy because I am still trying to get into nursing school in August......with a 1 month old and a 2 year old.
12-I check the mail daily, even though I know the letter won't be there for another 2 weeks at least.
13-Work as a CNA while pregnant is starting to kill me. I don't know what I will do in a few months.
14-I hope that this is just a phase of my hips moving or something and once everything settles I won't feel like I ran a marathon every morning when I wake up.
15. The dr. said that baby was a boy early on.
16. He then revoked his answer and said girl.
17. My big ultrasound said the same thing.
18. We ask Zo where her baby sister is and she points to her bellybotton.
19. Chris is officially going to be outnumbered. (right now Zo doesn't count because she is too much of a tom boy. But even if this one is too, we can combine them together. And Chris is outnumbered.
20. I have a half innie half outie. I am going to miss my cute bellybotton.
21. I love my life.
1-I am hungry
2-I need to go to sleep.
3-I need to tell my dear readers some important things
4-I question my timing.
5-There is a baby in my future.
6-and when I say future, I mean in July. I'm over half way there.
7- 21 weeks actually, hence the 21 things.
8- I know someone who has been reading my blog has had "the itch" so I didn't want to put salt in it to make her feel sad/jealous/any other unpleasant emotion that is totally naturaly and understandable.
9- I've been there. I understand. I'm sorry.
10- But I figured it would be strange to all of a sudden start talking about another child in a few short months without metioning this important detail first.
11-I think I'm crazy because I am still trying to get into nursing school in August......with a 1 month old and a 2 year old.
12-I check the mail daily, even though I know the letter won't be there for another 2 weeks at least.
13-Work as a CNA while pregnant is starting to kill me. I don't know what I will do in a few months.
14-I hope that this is just a phase of my hips moving or something and once everything settles I won't feel like I ran a marathon every morning when I wake up.
15. The dr. said that baby was a boy early on.
16. He then revoked his answer and said girl.
17. My big ultrasound said the same thing.
18. We ask Zo where her baby sister is and she points to her bellybotton.
19. Chris is officially going to be outnumbered. (right now Zo doesn't count because she is too much of a tom boy. But even if this one is too, we can combine them together. And Chris is outnumbered.
20. I have a half innie half outie. I am going to miss my cute bellybotton.
21. I love my life.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sleepytime adventures
I'm awake, like normal, while the hubster is sleeping. All of a sudden he half way sits up licks his hand and vigerously wipes his lips. I asked him what he was doing and all I understood was his lip was stuck on the pillow??? He is a silly man.
Midnight waking
In the stillness of the silence,
Wearing her pink footed pajamas,
I see what love is.
She grabs her cow
In an unconscious slumber.
Soothed by her presence,
as am I.
Wearing her pink footed pajamas,
I see what love is.
She grabs her cow
In an unconscious slumber.
Soothed by her presence,
as am I.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Great News!
I got my diploma in the mail!!!! I am officially a collage graduate!
However, I make less than 9 bucks an hour.
Woot...
And I am procrastinating my homework.
Why must I torture myself with this constant school thing.
Its really getting old.
But by the time I get my next diploma,
I'll hopefully be giving you all IVs and inserting cathaters.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Accomplishment
I wrote this for a paper a year or so ago and found it. I'm not sure how I like it. But I thought I would post it for you anyway.
My greatest accomplishment is being truly happy. A few years ago I was in an unhealthy relationship. I was settling for unhappiness. For a while, I was just letting my life float by. So many things happened that were out of my control, like the death of my granddad. I was potentially headed for a downward spiral. Then one day I decided that if I wanted to be happy, I had to do something about it. I couldn’t let my life run past me, leaving me in a hazy fog of sadness. And so I broke up with my boyfriend, moved, and transferred schools. This is undoubtedly the best decision I ever made. The first weekend back home my mom told me she had never seen me that happy in years, and that happiness only got bigger. This one decision eventually led me to my husband and daughter who make me laugh every day. They are my sunshine. And so my most satisfying accomplishment is taking my happiness and my future in my hands, instead of letting it just float by.
Update
I got a new job at a care center as a CNA. So far I really like it, besides the fact of feeling like I can't get it all done by the time I am supposed to clock out. I don't know how the other aids do it. They probably just answer their calls and doesn't even think of answering one that isn't their resident.
I work 2-10 which totally sucks. I have to drop Zdawg off at daycare by 11 so she is there before nap. So that only leaves a few hours to play together. Then I hardly see Chris. But it is only temporary. I am on a list to get to days, but he was only hiring for nights right now.
School is kicking my trash. I feel like I am constantly running a day behind where I should be.
Chris and I had a lovely night out for Valentines. We usually don't make a big deal about it, but I got my first paycheck the day before so we decided to celibrate. We went to a chop chop place and ate yummy expensive food. I did the calculations that it probably equalled to me toileting about 11 people and feeding about 3 at work. lol. I'm just glad we both had our heads on because a couple next to us said he is "still trying to get over my $150 bill" when asked if he was feeling the saki. (yea, I'm not a drinker, so I don't know how to spell that). Yikes!!! Then we went bowling and I almost broke 100. I have only done that once before and I was truly wishing that that night was the night for a repeat. But I was wrong. I got 93. I was so bummed because the whole time I had a lead or tied with Chris. But I choked at the end. And he didn't. So final score was 93-98. Soooo close.
I am up late finishing an application for a nursing program. Wish me luck!!!!
Zoey got a big girl bed last weekend. And she slept in it aaaaalllll night last night for the first time since before Christmas. Heaven. As much as I love getting kicked and punched in the middle of the night, it was nice to have only fight off Christopher for a night instead of both little bed hogs.
I work 2-10 which totally sucks. I have to drop Zdawg off at daycare by 11 so she is there before nap. So that only leaves a few hours to play together. Then I hardly see Chris. But it is only temporary. I am on a list to get to days, but he was only hiring for nights right now.
School is kicking my trash. I feel like I am constantly running a day behind where I should be.
Chris and I had a lovely night out for Valentines. We usually don't make a big deal about it, but I got my first paycheck the day before so we decided to celibrate. We went to a chop chop place and ate yummy expensive food. I did the calculations that it probably equalled to me toileting about 11 people and feeding about 3 at work. lol. I'm just glad we both had our heads on because a couple next to us said he is "still trying to get over my $150 bill" when asked if he was feeling the saki. (yea, I'm not a drinker, so I don't know how to spell that). Yikes!!! Then we went bowling and I almost broke 100. I have only done that once before and I was truly wishing that that night was the night for a repeat. But I was wrong. I got 93. I was so bummed because the whole time I had a lead or tied with Chris. But I choked at the end. And he didn't. So final score was 93-98. Soooo close.
I am up late finishing an application for a nursing program. Wish me luck!!!!
Zoey got a big girl bed last weekend. And she slept in it aaaaalllll night last night for the first time since before Christmas. Heaven. As much as I love getting kicked and punched in the middle of the night, it was nice to have only fight off Christopher for a night instead of both little bed hogs.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Bedtime
I'll just throw it out there. I have a very odd child. Everything has to be just perfect. Its the most noticeable at bedtime. This is the ritual we have somehow managed to create:
Cuddle time to "relax" but usually it is just a wresting match with daddy.
In her room we read a book, or two, or three....
Call dad (or me if its daddy's turn for bedtime) in for a prayer.
Potty
Drink
Hugs and Kisses
Ok, so that part is pretty normal. But if we try to do something out of order, she won't have it.
But here is the kicker.
She needs her cow baby (a baby doll in a cow costume) and her naked baby (it is plastic and takes baths) to be lined against the wall.
Her cookie jar (a toy that you put shapes in.) goes on the bottom of her bed.
Her two tiny babies have to be next to each other in a blanket. The other ones don't go in a blanket.
Her laptop toy has to be on her bed somewhere.
She neeeeeeds her cell phone. it goes under her pillow. (she also must take it with her when she goes potty and puts it right outside the door with her Maggie Moo)
All of a sudden she needs her toy mop by her.
She watches a movie to go to sleep. (I know, I know, not my finest parenting moment. But she is scared of the dark and silence, so that was the only way to get her to calm down. Seriously. It all started with her fear of Santa, and everything we did to calm her down, besides having her in our bed, failed and left both Zoey and parents in shambles). Her DVD player goes against the wall up by her pillow. It MUST be plugged in. And the plug MUST be in the outlet by the door, not the plug right by where it is.
She has to sleep with her white quilt with the flowers facing her and the stripes outward.
Then her purple blanket goes on her feet.
She sleeps with Maggie Moo and her pink baby in each arm.
If anything, I mean ANYTHING is out of place it is pointless to think that she will go to sleep. Everything must be in the right place or she just screams that its wrong. Which in her language is "the purple one!!!" meaning she wants something different from its current condition.
Needless to say, I have a very picky child. I love her. But bedtime can get a little crazy sometimes if earlier that day she played in her room and moved everything from her bed and I have to find everything to put in the right location.
Cuddle time to "relax" but usually it is just a wresting match with daddy.
In her room we read a book, or two, or three....
Call dad (or me if its daddy's turn for bedtime) in for a prayer.
Potty
Drink
Hugs and Kisses
Ok, so that part is pretty normal. But if we try to do something out of order, she won't have it.
But here is the kicker.
She needs her cow baby (a baby doll in a cow costume) and her naked baby (it is plastic and takes baths) to be lined against the wall.
Her cookie jar (a toy that you put shapes in.) goes on the bottom of her bed.
Her two tiny babies have to be next to each other in a blanket. The other ones don't go in a blanket.
Her laptop toy has to be on her bed somewhere.
She neeeeeeds her cell phone. it goes under her pillow. (she also must take it with her when she goes potty and puts it right outside the door with her Maggie Moo)
All of a sudden she needs her toy mop by her.
She watches a movie to go to sleep. (I know, I know, not my finest parenting moment. But she is scared of the dark and silence, so that was the only way to get her to calm down. Seriously. It all started with her fear of Santa, and everything we did to calm her down, besides having her in our bed, failed and left both Zoey and parents in shambles). Her DVD player goes against the wall up by her pillow. It MUST be plugged in. And the plug MUST be in the outlet by the door, not the plug right by where it is.
She has to sleep with her white quilt with the flowers facing her and the stripes outward.
Then her purple blanket goes on her feet.
She sleeps with Maggie Moo and her pink baby in each arm.
If anything, I mean ANYTHING is out of place it is pointless to think that she will go to sleep. Everything must be in the right place or she just screams that its wrong. Which in her language is "the purple one!!!" meaning she wants something different from its current condition.
Needless to say, I have a very picky child. I love her. But bedtime can get a little crazy sometimes if earlier that day she played in her room and moved everything from her bed and I have to find everything to put in the right location.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Brooks & Dunn - Proud Of The House We Built
My husband and I listened to this CD a lot back when we were engaged. I'm so glad I remembered this song. It is just what I needed to hear right now. I love that it can take me back to that time, but also leaps into the future. Songs like this is why I love country. Enjoy.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Something cute
I was just going to go to sleep when I heard zoey coughing. I get worried when that happens because there have been several times where she has thrown up in her sleep and it starts with a cough. So I sat up in bed to listen better. But then I heard her door open. And she came running full force in our room. Those little feet were moving fast. Apparently she lost her moo in her bed so I had to go find her. I'm glad I was still awake when this happened because I'm sure I wouldn't have thought it was as cute. :)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Last nights dreams
Last night I had a dream that my husband's friend was friends with this guy who happened to be a girl I went to high school with. S/he didn't want me to tell any of them, obviously. We spent some time catching up, showing pictures of the little one, ect. And Chris was getting somewhat upset that this guy was getting all this attention from me. So we decided to leave.
To get to our house we had to walk down a spiral staircase and there was a secret door that only we could enter. Well, Chris' little cousin happened to be down there and we couldn't go in our door in fear that she would find it. And so we tried a new secret door. We started walking behind the wall to get to our place then Chris told me to run back. Apparently we unleashed an evil, giant, green and blue cartoon chicken! And he was out for revenge. We then turned into ten year olds whos sole purpose in life was to patrol the house to make sure there were no cartoon chicken eggs.
Then I woke up.
.....really? REALLY????
To get to our house we had to walk down a spiral staircase and there was a secret door that only we could enter. Well, Chris' little cousin happened to be down there and we couldn't go in our door in fear that she would find it. And so we tried a new secret door. We started walking behind the wall to get to our place then Chris told me to run back. Apparently we unleashed an evil, giant, green and blue cartoon chicken! And he was out for revenge. We then turned into ten year olds whos sole purpose in life was to patrol the house to make sure there were no cartoon chicken eggs.
Then I woke up.
.....really? REALLY????
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